Transparent

The mind often wonders.
In a space roamed free
Talking alone
As they’re looking into me.

They can tell I’m afraid
They can tell, so hard I try
And when I zone in and out
They can see why.

When they look deep in my skin
Under the fear and the pain
They see the scars
That bleed in the rain.

And the fear I spoke of
Is tightening indeed
When they face my interior
It’s what ifs they read.

What if…. they hate me
What if…. I’ll never be
What if…. he knew I wanted him, but he didn’t want me.

I know they see the sadness
So many times they see me cry.
And when I laugh blankly
I know they see the lie.

The first word said
Or even the last
My eyes give away
Every bit of past.

They can see it all
They can play their hand
And know I won’t fight
Or have a leg to stand

For everything, I’ll give
For everything not to be

For every change in my heart
And every tear in me.

The biggest thing I wish away
Is this transparency.

Written May 8th 2021, by Te’Arsha Marie Morris.